Elijah's breakdown
by tvshowaddict11
Summary: This story take's place in season 2 episode 10. Elijah has not been the same ever since his mother had held him captive. He has not been in total control of himself. He has been staying at their safe house with hope for a while. He is putting hope to sleep. When suddenly a range of emotions come pouring through. Read to see what happens!


Elijah had been rocking hope in his arms. Trying to get her to fall asleep. After a rough 30 minutes. She was finally asleep. Carefully Elijah placed her into her crib. Watching over her. Admiring the innocence in her eyes. Silently he wonders when he lost his innocence. When he lost most of his humanity.

"I've been alive over 1000 years. Never have I seen something as precious as you". He said to Hope. It didn't seem to matter to him that she wasn't listening. Even if she was she wouldn't have been able to understand. Still he felt this was something that needed to be said to her.

He looked back down at her. This time, he didn't look as hopeful. He looked ashamed like he had betrayed her in some way. He felt as if he had failed her. He wasn't his normal controlled self. His hands and voice were beginning to shake. Tears were forming in his eyes. Elijah always had tremendous self-control. However, ever since he had been captured by his mother. Thing's had not been the same. He has not been the same.

"Through my long life, I've made many poor decisions. Many of them involving your father. For 1000 years I've tried to fix him. I've tried to make him into the man I thought he should be". His voice was very shaky but he continued to speak.

"Your father's not a bad man. He's just broken. As a child he was filled with innocence much like you. In time, both of our parents beat that out of him. They made him feel as if he were an abomination. As his older brother I felt it was my duty to show him the goodness inside him".

I tear ran down Elijah's face. At this point he could barely find the words to speak. He was holding himself together by a thread. The more he tried to resist the emotions. The more he let them in. He couldn't seem to stop them.

"I was afraid that he would lose himself. Loss his humanity. As vampire's we have very little humanity. The little bit we have is sacred. Over the years I saw your father's humanity fade away", Elijah noted.

"I continued to push him. Thinking I was doing what's best for him. For 1000 years I have been chasing his redemption". Elijah paused. Suddenly his mood shifted. He became angry.

"Why for over 1000 years have I been chasing his redemption". He asked Hope knowing that she wasn't going to answer. Still it seemed to make him angry that he didn't get a reply.

"Shouldn't I have been chasing my own redemption? All my life I have been the noble one. The responsible one. The loyal one. I've been looking after my sibling for 1000 years. Putting family above all. Even myself". As he continued to speak his voice continued to get harsher. "Maybe the harsh truth is I'm the one who should be chasing their redemption. Niklaus is many things. However, he is not a liar. He doesn't pretend to be anything he isn't. Unlike me. My whole life I've been living a lie. Pretending to be some saint. When I have killed thousands of innocent people. Done unspeakable things. Still though I continue to lecture others on being a good".

"I have been forcing moral onto my family. Morals that I pretend to have. Why though? Was it because I thought I was better than them? Was I trying to take over the role of their parent?" He paused again. Trying to get a grip on his emotions however it was no use.

"I thought... I thought I was helping them. I thought I was the only one who could". As he said this he began to cry out. Shouting as if he were trying to prove his point to someone.

"Maybe for 1000 years I've been holding them back. Holding them back for my own selfish reasons. You see if I didn't have them to deal with then I would be left with myself. Therefore, I would have to learn how to tame my own demons. Instead of helping Niklaus tame his own. I did what I thought was best for me. I didn't take Niklaus' feelings into account. I didn't take anyone's feelings into account other than my own. For years, I've been blaming him every time something went wrong. Making him feel like the lesser man. Tearing him down just to build myself up. All of this was done so I could avoid the truth".

Elijah paused again. Once again he was fighting with his emotions. Trying to deny what he had always known. Finally, he decided to stop fighting. He decided to give in.

"But I'm done. I'm done fighting. My whole life I have been in a battle against myself. Finally, I've broken down. The truth has beaten all the lies. The truth that I've kept buried for centuries'. While no more. I refuse to live a lie. I will admit my truth. Then it will hold no power over me anymore. The truth… The truth is that I am a monster.

Elijah fell to the ground. Looking around the room not knowing what to do. Tears were running down his face. He had just comforted feelings. Feelings that he had buried for centuries'. He was trying to calm himself. He just couldn't though. He sat not being able to control his emotions for what seemed like hours.

Later on that night he managed to stop crying. He had calmed down. Thought he was still stuck with his thought. He sat and thought about all the times he had failed Klaus. All the times he had failed his family. He was trapped in a sea of depression. Captured by his mistakes. Until he heard a noise come from Hope's crib. He rose to look over her crib. Again he looked at her with admiration in his eyes.

"Hope you've done the one thing I could not. You've made Niklaus into a better man. He has been living in darkness for many years. You came into his life and you became his light. You're his redemption... You're our family's redemption".

Elijah looked back down at Hope. No trace of anger left in his eyes. Just gratefulness. He knew one day he would have to face his demons. But not right now. The lightness in his life had defeated the darkness.


End file.
